My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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