I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
