I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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