He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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