I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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