i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
