So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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