Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
