I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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