Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
