I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
