im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
