so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
