Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The uberlube is also flammable
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
