You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I forget how to act sober
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
