She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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