i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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