You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
