After last night, I could never be a politician.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
