You made me cry and you don't even care
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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