Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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