I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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