hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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