Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
