I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
