Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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