Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
