My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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