You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
