First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
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She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
jump out the window naked night went bad
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