The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
