Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
