I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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