a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
