I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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