that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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