i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
