I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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