Is it because I queefed?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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