Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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