she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't deserve a penis
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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