So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The cops high fived after they tackled you
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
