Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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