I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm passing your future prison.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
