My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
