Will you blow on my dice?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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