Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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