Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
