that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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