im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
