id be glad to
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
