He is an equal opportunity slut.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
