Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
