she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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