shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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