you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
