I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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