I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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