the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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