what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Naked Twister starts at high noon
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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