So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
