Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
