I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i love accidental penises.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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